Saturday, February 7, 2009

Signs that, Sadly, you've Grown Up

  • Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
  • Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
  • Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
  • "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."
  • You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
  • 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
  • You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
  • You watch the Weather Channel.
  • Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
  • Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
  • Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
  • You're the one calling the police because of those damn punk kids next door.
  • Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
  • You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
  • You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.
  • Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
  • You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
  • A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff".
  • You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
  • 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
  • You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
  • You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old ass.

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for that. Thanks. I guess there's no Santa Claus either. Spoiler!