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Best. Beauty Pageant Talent. EVAR

Meet Lisa Wong - a competitor at the 60th Narcissus Pageant in Hawaii. I'd be doing you a disservice to give away what her very unique talent is, but I will tell you it is pretty freakin' sweet.

It takes a minute to get going, but it'll hold your attention as you try to figure out what she's doing up there and the surprise result is FULL OF WIN!

Deathtroopers - Star Wars Horror Novel

Joe Schreiber, the author of the thrillers No Windows No Doors and Chasing the Dead will be penning the first horror novel in the Star Wars universe. In his blog he writes:

I've tried to make it into exactly the kind of book you’d want to read if you were a child of the 70s who grew up with the original Star Wars trilogy and really digs horror in the vein of The Shining and Alien, with a little dose of William Gibson mixed in.

It won't be out until the end of the year, but the front cover art is already up at starwars.com and is full of win.

Ah. The Ole Car Battery to the Towel Rack Prank, eh?

Personally, I find this highly amusing, but these pranks are starting to get outta hand a bit.

Magic Pants

I HAVE BREATHED LIFE INTO MY PANTS!!!!

"Oh Snap!" - A Proper Tactical Usage of the Phrase

Click to Embiggin.

I snagged this from my friend Charlotte's blog. Check out more from her collection of shiny things at Digital Legerdemain.

'The Thing' Recreated with GI Joes

The Parisian band Zombie Zombie recreated John Carpenter's The Thing with stop-motion animated GI Joes and it's prolly the most awesome thing I've seen all day!

BTW - Have you heard that they're remaking it AGAIN!?

Is That a Thumb or Some Dude?

Image - Twitter

El Luchador Mascarita Dorada!

Lucha libre (Spanish for "free wrestling" or free fighting) is a term used in Mexico and other Spanish-speaking areas referring to a form of professional wrestling involving varied techniques and moves. - wiki

Lucha libre performers are known as luchadores and one of them, Mascarita Dorada, has got some seriously wtf moves. Unbelievable.

Isn't it Ironic; Don'tCha Think?

Wilson takes down another FedEx Plane

A cargo aircraft operated by a subcontractor of FedEx Corp (FDX.N) crashed upon landing at an airport in Lubbock, Texas, on Tuesday and the two crew members who had been on board "walked away" under their own power, a FedEx spokeswoman said.

The ATR-42 aircraft, operated by Empire Airways, was coming from Fort Worth, Texas, with 7,300 pounds (3,311 kilogram) of freight on board, FedEx spokeswoman Sandra Munoz said. (Reporting by Scott Malone, editing by Gerald E. McCormick)

Thomson Reuters 2009

Why So Curious?

Giants Fan in Shambles

Wow. I thought the Hysterical American Idol Girls were sore losers.

This guy is seriously in shambles over the NY Giants loss to the Philadelphia Eagles.

The dude's histrionics are enough to make this vid full of win, but his friends NSFW reaction at 1:30 in is seriously priceless (and EXACTLY what I would have done)....

"THIS TEAM IS LIFE!!!"

Image - giants.com

Gingers are Aliens and Other Interesting Things about Hair

According to this interesting article at AskMen.com there are several interesting things you may not know about human hair.

1- Hair can clean up oil spills
2- Human hair is used in soy sauce
3- Beards were taxed
4- Redheads may be aliens
5- Human hair was once used as jewelry

Pic - Jenny Wicks. Check out more of her redheads here.

Cartman's Ginger Snap

Fight Scientology. Buy ShamWows!

Yes, I know it's a infomercial product that actually contains the word "sham" in it...
But seriously - I know I love mine.

So it turns out that the headset dude in the Shamwows commercials, Vince Offer, actually kinda has an interesting story. Check out the whole article here.

Vince is the writer/producer/director/star of the film Underground Comedy Movie. When he began making the movie, he was a relatively new convert to the Scientology. He used his connections within the CoS’s “Celebrity Center International”, a group within the church for artist networking, to cast his film. He managed to muscle up some big A-list names like Slash from Guns n Roses, Ant, a couple of budding soft-core porn stars and Joey Buttafucco. (Being new, I guess he didn’t have access to the Xenu VIP Casting Suite where Travolta and Cruise hang out.)

Via - Stepchick

Speaking of Normal...

Meet William Lamson. He seems to be quite the disturbed talented individual.

Yup. Normal...



Check out more if his works here.

Via - williamlamson.com

Yeah... That's Normal

Yup. Normal...

I Just Wanted to Make it Snow

"I'll do whatever it takes to be a Alpha Phi Chi..."

2008 Razzie Award nominees

Worst Picture
"Disaster Movie" and "Meet the Spartans"
"The Happening"
"The Hottie & the Nottie"
"In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale"
"The Love Guru"

Worst Actor
Larry the Cable Guy, "Witless Protection"
Eddie Murphy, "Meet Dave"
Mike Myers, "The Love Guru"
Al Pacino, "88 Minutes" and "Righteous Kill"
Mark Wahlberg, "The Happening" and "Max Payne"

Worst Actress
Jessica Alba, "The Eye" and "The Love Guru"
The cast of "The Women" (Annette Bening, Eva Mendes, Debra Messing, Jada Pinkett-Smith and Meg Ryan)
Cameron Diaz, "What Happens in Vegas"
Paris Hilton, "The Hottie & the Nottie"
Kate Hudson, "Fool's Gold" and "My Best Friend’s Girl"

Worst Supporting Actress
Carmen Electra, "Disaster Movie" and "Meet the Spartans"
Paris Hilton, "Repo: The Genetic Opera"
Kim Kardashian, "Disaster Movie"
Jenny McCarthy, "Witless Protection"
Leelee Sobieski, "88 Minutes" and "In the Name of the King"

Worst Supporting Actor
Uwe Boll as himself, "Uwe Boll's Postal"
Pierce Brosnan, "Mamma Mia!"
Ben Kingsley, "The Love Guru," "War, Inc." and "The Wackness"
Burt Reynolds, "Deal " and "In the Name of the King"
Verne Troyer, "The Love Guru" and "Uwe Boll’s Postal"

Worst Screen Couple
Uwe Boll and any actor, camera or screenplay
Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher, "What Happens In Vegas"
Paris Hilton and either Christine Lakin or Joel David Moore, "The Hottie & the Nottie"
Larry the Cable Guy and Jenny McCarthy, "Witless Protection"
Eddie Murphy and Eddie Murphy, "Meet Dave"

Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel (combined category for 2008)
"The Day the Earth Blowed Up Real Good"
"Disaster Movie" and "Meet the Spartans"
"Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull"
"Speed Racer"
"Star Wars: The Clone Wars"

Worst Director
Uwe Boll, "1968: Tunnel Rats," "In the Name of the King" and "Postal
Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, "Disaster Movie" and "Meet the Spartans
Tom Putnam, "The Hottie & the Nottie
Marco Schnabel, "The Love Guru"
M. Night Shyamalan, "The Happening"

Worst Screenplay
"Disaster Movie" and "Meet the Spartans," both written by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer
"The Happening," written by M. Night Shyamalan
"The Hottie & the Nottie," written By Heidi Ferrer
"In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale," screenplay by Doug Taylor
"The Love Guru," written by Mike Myers and Graham Gordy

Worst Career Achievement
Uwe Boll (Germany's answer to Ed Wood)

Via - razzies.com

Fun with Probability

It could just be coincidence....

A poor understanding of probability leads many people to put forward supernatural explanation for events that are far more common than they think.

This video shows how probability theory is sufficient to explain even seemingly remarkable coincidences.



Via - icantseeyou

The Far Side Tribute Contest

Worth1000.com is having a great Photoshop contest where participants recreate their favorite strips from Gary Larson's The Far Side. Check them all out here.



Image - Worth1000

Cow goes Person-Tipping

You can check out the hilarious article here.

And just in case you needed to know, here are some cow-tipping pointers:

I love Jesus; But I drink a little.

I'm happy to introduce you to Gladys Hardy (88) of Austin Texas. If you listened to her, she's already a star (and prolly a little drunk). The clip below made me laugh in so many ways. Gladys' family has launched a site, gladyshardy.com, where you can view more hilarious clips and read more about her.

Hilarious Exhibit A:


Hilarious Exhibit B (from the website):


Image - gladyshardy.com

Amazing Examples of Luck and Chance

Truly awesome clips that show just how much chance and luck play into lives.

Chance
Uploaded by titounetsan

January is National Drag History Month

Huh, who knew!?

January 2009 marks the first-ever celebration of National Drag History Month! This month-long event salutes the richness of drag culture and pays tribute to the courageous queens who shaved paved the way and fought for equality while inspiring, educating & entertaining us all.

I Love You, Man

Bromance is the new chick flick and this Paul Rudd and Jason Segel movie, which comes out in March, looks hilarious. Visit the website at www.iloveyouman.com or check out the Red Band Trailer below.

NSFW, but highly amusing, language.

Besides, any trailer with a Pixies song in it can't be too bad!

Actual Miracle on the Hudson Footage!!!

Amazing!



OK, OK. Fine.
Here it really is, but it isn't nearly as exciting as the above...

Found your 'Soulmate'?

NSFW-ish white boy butt briefly exposed.

You can check out more hilarious videos from Robert James Hoffman III, aka Punchrobert, here. He has been making amusing videos for quite a while, remember the Urban Ninja??

Update: Whopper Sacrifice Sacrificed

As I mentioned in a previous post, Burger King launched a spiffy Whopper Sacrifice app for Facebook which rewarded you free Whoppers for every 10 'friends' you manage cut loose.

Well apparently Facebook has disabled Whopper Sacrifice "after your love for the Whopper sandwich proved to be stronger than 233,906 friendships!"

Via - Whopper Sacrifice

Is it the Marilyn Monroe Hormone or the Norma Gene?

Click here to read a fascinating article by Danny Rose explaining the discovery of a 'Marilyn Monroe' hormone.

SCIENTISTS have identified the Marilyn Monroe hormone that is linked to an hour-glass body shape in women, and also an increased desire to trade-up to new men.

Women who have high levels of oestradoil also show elevated confidence and a greater inclination to have sex outside of their current relationship, according to the US-based research.

The ovarian steroid hormone is also associated with having a symmetrical face, large breasts and a low waist-to-hip ratio.

These poor ladies also tend to be the kind of women "other women don't like."

American Idol Blind High Five

So, of course, I watched American Idol last night.
It's one of my many, many guilty pleasures.

One contestant, Scott McIntyre (23), managed to snag one of the most inspiring AND awkward moments of the night.

McIntyre has been visually impaired since birth. He began playing piano by ear at age 3, went to college at 14, has independently produced, engineered, and released 6 full-length CD's, and even ballroom dances. With a solid audition and great story he can list his newest accomplishment as singing his way to a golden ticket to Hollywood.

After Scott emerged from his audition and hugged his family, Ryan Seacrest held up his right hand for a high-five. After being left hanging for a few painfully awkward moments Seacrest ended up reaching down and taking Scott's hand in congratulations.

Ceiling Cat vs Basement Moose

Ceiling Cat is sooooo 2008. New for 09 - Basement Moose!

And yes, he's prolly still watching you masturbate...



Image - icanhascheezburger.com

President Goofus and President Gallant

Obama has still got a lot to learn according to ‘The Daily Show’

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

President Goofus and President Gallant - Peer Pressers

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

Why was Arrested Development Cancelled?

David Cross eloquently explains (in NSFW language)...

Update: NPH on SNL

OK, the brilliant SNL Digital Short with Neil Patrick Harris and orchestra performing the Doogie Howser MD theme I told you about in a previous post is finally up.

It's not 'official' so watch it now before it gets yanked!
1/15 Update: It's been taken down. I'll try to find another one.

Let Hunter S. Thompson Motivate You

Sloshspot has put together an amusing collection of Motivation Posters based on quotes from Hunter S Thompson (someone never know for a lack of something to say). Check them out here.

Oh, and if you've ever been mildly curious about the brilliantly talented and disturbed author, check out the movie 'Gonzo: The Life and Work of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson.' I saw it this past week and thoroughly enjoyed it.





Images - sloshspot

Teenage Mutant Ninja Poodle??

I'm sorta fascinated that someone hasn't turned in the Sandy Paws Creative Grooming Shop for abuse. Follow the link for more confusing pictures.

Those bitches look pissed.






Images - pinkcoyote

NPH on SNL

I promise not to be one of those people who post a bazillion SNL clips (though honestly I’m a big fan). Haven said that, Neil Patrick Harris’ Digital Short “ode to Doogie Howser MD” last night was brilliant. I’m still waiting for them to post a clip of it, and I hope they do.

In the meantime, the “Save Broadway” skit was also full of win.

Sacrifice Friends for a Free Whopper

Do you have too many 'friends' on Facebook? You know, the 'friends' that paid you no mind in high school but then, when they find you on Facebook, it's all good times and buddy-buddy. Maybe you thought you were living in the 1930's when you introduced yourself with your full name at that corporate event and woke up the next day to find friend requests filling your inbox.

Well get down on your knees and give thanks for the advertising geniuses working for Burger King these days. First they brought us the brilliantly hilarious BK perfume site, and now here comes a Facebook application that will help you trim the fat on your 'friends' list without hurting too many feelings in the process.

The new app is called Whopped Sacrifice and it rewards you with a coupon for BK's signature burger for every 10 'friends' you manage cut loose. Each time you delete a 'friend' from your massively cluttered list, the application sends a notification to the banished party via Facebook's news feed explaining that your desire for a Whopper is stronger than your love for the unlucky former 'friend.' The app also adds a box on a user's profile page charting their progress toward the free burger with the line, "Who will be the next to go?"





The application is available on Facebook and at WhopperSacrifice.com.

Article - Dorsey Shaw
Image - Whoppersacrifice

Obama's Terrorist Fist Jab with Spidey!

Spider-Man has a new sidekick: The president-elect.

Barack Obama collected Spider-Man comics as a child, so Marvel Comics wanted to give him a "shout-out back" by featuring him in a bonus story, said Joe Quesada, Marvel's editor-in-chief.

"How great is that? The commander in chief to be is actually a nerd in chief," Quesada said. "It was really, really cool to see that we had a geek in the White House. We're all thrilled with that."

The comic starts with Spider-Man's alter-ego Peter Parker taking photographs at the inauguration, before spotting two identical Obamas.

Parker decides "the future president's gonna need Spider-Man," and springs into action, using basketball to determine the real Obama and punching out the impostor.

Obama thanks him with a fist-bump.

Marvel comics have featured most presidents, but generally in walk-on roles, Quesada said.

"I think President Nixon might have appeared on the cover, but not in a good way," he said.

Obama has said that as a child, he collected Spider-Man and Conan the Barbarian comic books. His Senate Web site used to have a photo of him posing in front of a Superman statue.

The Obama story is a bonus in Marvel Comic's Amazing Spider-Man #583, available in comic book shops nationwide on Jan. 14 for $3.99 and is expected to sell out, with half the covers devoted to Obama.













Via - LISA TOLIN, Associated Press Writer
Images - marvel.com

Unusual Pet Names of 08

Veterinary Pet Insurance (VPI), the nation's largest and oldest provider of pet health insurance, has released their annual list of unusual pet names for 08. I thought my dog, Cutter, had an unusual name but I think Peanut Wigglebutt & Toot Uncommon have that beat. It's too bad I didn't know when I was coming up with his name how much he would be fascinated by his nether regions as he/they grew... I coulda soooo named him Sir Lix-a-lot...

Dogs	Cats
1. Rush Limbark 2. Sirius Lee Handsome      3. Rafikikadiki 4. Low Jack 5. Meatwad 6. Peanut Wigglebutt 7. Scuddles Unterfuss 8. Sophie Touch & Pee 9. Admiral Toot 10. Spatula	1. Edward Scissorpaws 2. Sir Lix-a-lot 3. Optimus Prrrime 4. Buddah Pest 5. Snoop Kitty Kitty 6. Miss Fuzzbutt 7. 80 Bucks 8. Sparklemonkey 9. Rosie Posie Prozac 10. Toot Uncommon

Via - Today Show

Barbie Death Camp and Wine Bistro

Once again at this year's Burning Man Festival you could find the
Barbie Death Camp & Wine Bistro - "We put the Barbie in Bar-B-Que!"

The photos are from this past year's Burning Man, but the below SFGate article is from a few years back:

Jim Jacoby of New Castle showed off his art installation of nearly 1,000 Barbie dolls in various states of expiration. There were Barbies crucified on hot pink crosses, Barbies hanging from the gallows, Barbies crushed under the wheels of Barbie vans and hundreds of the emaciated plastic dolls marching into a Betty Crocker Easy Bake oven at G.I. Joe gunpoint.

Jacoby wasn't trying to make a statement. Rather, he saw something similar with the Pillsbury Dough Boy in National Lampoon magazine five years ago and thought it would be funny if he "liberated" his daughter's Barbies for a similar purpose. The gag worked, and now people send him Barbies from all over the world.

Via - SFGate
Inage - hjselde

7 Classic Disney Movies That Taught Us Terrible Lessons

7. - The Lion King: To Be Successful, Sometimes People Got to Die
6. - Cinderella: Sort of Like "The Secret"
5. - The Little Mermaid: A Little Deal with the Devil Never Hurt Nobody
4. - Beauty and the Beast: Just Because He's Abusive, Doesn't Mean He's Not a Really Good Guy
3. - The Hunchback of Notre Dame: The Ugly Dude Never Gets the Girl
2. - Sleeping Beauty: If a Guy Saves Your Ass, it Belongs to Him
1. - The Fox and the Hound: Sometimes People Are Different, and That's Awful


Via - Cracked

Why I Don't Ski

Every skier risks exposure to the elements in this hobby, but this poor guy took it to a new level. A chairlift seat in the wrong position left this dude showing his shrunk junk for 15 minutes to his son above, the rest of the skiers below, and (I'm sure) the world by tomorrow...

Read more about it here - with additional NSFW-ish southern exposure pics

Image - The Smoking Gun

Coming Out of the (Linguistic) Closet

Wayne State University's "Word Warriors" Web site, which can be seen here, is launching a crusade to 'bring good words back from oblivion.'

According to the website - 'Too often we limit ourselves to words that are momentarily popular or broadly applicable, and so rob ourselves of English’s inherent beauty and agility. Alarmed by this tendency, the Word Warriors of Wayne State University propose to help rejuvenate the language we love by advocating for words of style and substance that see far too little use.'

You can also submit words you feel need 'retrieval from the linguistic closet'.

Via - Wayne State University
Image - surrealmuse

Top 25 fictional ads in sci-fi movies

I personally feel their #2 pick shoulda been first, but Den of Geek’s awesome list of fake ads in sci-fi movies has been keeping me blissfully amused all morning.

“Would you Like to Know More?”



Via - Den Of Geek!

In Wizard of Oz news...

Yes, surprisingly, 50+ years later - there still is some...

For those new to the English language, here’s a gloriously exhaustive, line-by-line summary and explanation of the Wizard of Oz. Ex: "Ruby" is a deep red color, and "slippers" are a type of soft shoe for wearing indoors! Fascinating.

And if you’ve ever asked yourself “Hey... why does water melt the witch, but not Dorothy?” or suffered through the emotional dilemma of asking yourself if YOU would have gone back to Kansas, then the new book "The Wizard of Oz and Philosophy" edited by Randall E. Auxier and Phil Seng is just for you! Check it out here.

Zombie Kid Likes Turtles

So I know this has been around the internet for a while now, but really wanted to share it with those of you who haven’t been graced with opportunity to see these 17 seconds of hilarity. It’s spawned many amusing parodies on YouTube, some of which are quite creative. Diplo has even released an I Like Turtles mix CD, which I have. It’s pretty awesome btw.



Image - Mad Decent

How Many 5yr Olds Can You Take in a Fight?

It’s an amusing question since I spent a decade working the kids. As I’ve gotten older though, I do seem to leaning more to the Damp Punk Kids attitude towards 'em. I want them off my lawn. I really do...

Anyhow, apparently I can take on 25. Click below to see how many you can handle.

25

Image - www.howmanyfiveyearoldscouldyoutakeinafight.com

Beaker’s Ode To Joy

What can I say? I still love the Muppets.
Bonus points for the Statler and Waldorf cameo.



Meep Meep Meep Meep Meep!!

What have you learned in 08?

Check out Esquire’s spiffy What I’ve Learned Articles that share what Dwight Shrute, Cloris Leachman, The Farrelly Bros, Conor Oberest, and many others did.

</2008> <2009>

Happy New Year everyone.

New Years with Andy and Kath

I expected it to be highly amusing, but when she started defending herself to Anderson and the off-camera crew for a gig she was doing and said "I don't go to your job and knock the dicks out of your mouth"...

I seriously lost it....